i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
