I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
