I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
