I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
