We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
