he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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