i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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