it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
a search helicopter?!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
