Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
