And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
