So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
