I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
