What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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