just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
how does that bad decision feel?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
