You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
