Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
