is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
