I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
