I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
