Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
