How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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