who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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