He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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