Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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