Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
