if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
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