The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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