The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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