I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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