whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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