just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
