mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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