So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
