My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
