Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
