When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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