thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
