Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
