Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
