Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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