So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
