i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
