i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My balls are so social today.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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