I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
