remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
