just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't turn off my feet"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
