If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
