Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
