I can't watch pbs sober anymore
People in love make me want to vomit
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
