Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
