for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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