There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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